“Paper and Ink Girl/I’m So Heavy”
A paper-and-ink girl
I am not thick-skinned
My foundation is the words I think
These thoughts they make me up
My blood runs black with them
And emotions sit like crumpled mistakes
Walk around in my skin
And you’ll discover why
My bones are dragging
Want to be good, be everything
Compact, alluring
I’m so heavy, baby
Rip open my paper skin
And you’ll see rivers of ink
Where my veins should be
Kaleidoscope of mediocrity
These words, my thoughts I’m bleeding
I’m so heavy, baby
A paper-and-ink girl
Mind clogged with jagged half-thoughts
And caged-in rage
But always quiet on
The outside ‘cause paper-and-ink girls
Scream out with their pens to the page
Walk around in my skin
And you’ll discover why
My bones are dragging
Want to be good, be everything
Compact, alluring
I’m so heavy, baby
Rip open my paper skin
And you’ll see rivers of ink
Where my veins should be
Kaleidoscope of mediocrity
These words, my thoughts I’m bleeding
I’m so heavy, baby
I’m an island
That resides in
An ocean of words
Paper-and-ink girl
Screaming out
With her pen to the page
“I Am Not”
Mirrors only reflect
What the viewer perceives
And reflection can be circumspect
When you’re not looking
For a reprieve
We all have blemishes
On the face and the soul
Does it make me ugly
If mine are comfortable
The darkness around my eyes
The space in between my thighs
Jawline defined by
Desperation’s tides
This is not beautiful
This is not beautiful
And if I get angry
And if I want out
Which pill would you
Have me take
The darkness around my eyes
The space in between my thighs
Jawline defined by
Desperation’s tides
This is not beautiful
This is not beautiful
I don’t fit in your picture frames
Gilded with expectation
The darkness around my eyes
The space in between my thighs
Jawline defined by
Desperation’s tides
This is not beautiful
This is not beautiful
And if I get angry
And if I want out
Which pill would you
Have me take
“What is Honest”
Kill me now
Is all they say
And yet here they are
And here they stay
Could pack my bags
Anytime, I know
But I’m the fugitive
With nowhere to go
I don’t want to be
Here anymore
I don’t have anything
Here anymore
I’m not here to
Compromise
But I find myself stifled
And terribly behind
These polluted waters
Are poisoning my mind
And my heart has to reach
To pump out what is honest
Death is a thing
So terribly overdone
If you want to do it
Then by god, should you be able to run
But running is different from leaving
One more than the other done in stealth
I wonder what they’d do if they knew
They eat from the knives I used to cut myself
I don’t want to keep
Letting my soul
Drag along my body
In the wake of its supposed role
I’m not here to
Compromise
But I find myself stifled
And terribly behind
These polluted waters
Are poisoning my mind
And my heart has to reach
To pump out what is honest
I’m not here to
Circumcize
But I find myself lonely
And ostracized
And that tree of knowledge
It’s not so great, you may find
You can’t go back to the blissful naivety
From whence you started
Kill me now
But I’m not dying
The problem with living is that
You can’t ever stop trying
“Anger is an Acid”
So, here I am again
Apprehended by
A spider’s spin, and I
Can’t untangle myself
From the web
She weaved to ensnare him
One day I’ll be above you
One day I’ll barely think on your name
One day my anger will be mine to give
And no longer yours to take
I am flammable
But I never burn out
‘Cause it’s anger that keeps me
Remembering
And now I never forget
What sparked my fire
‘Cause each time I feel a fresh sting
One day I’ll be above you
One day I’ll barely think on your name
One day my anger will be mine to give
And no longer yours to take
Don’t you remember me
I’m the little girl you mocked
Until she swore that she would cower down
But now I’ve got matches
And you’ve met your match
I’m going to burn your web down around you
One day I’ll be above you
One day I’ll barely think on your name
One day my anger will be mine to give
And no longer yours to take
“Home is Where the Heart Aches”
The door opened like a shock
To my crumpled and defeated frame
I’m a liar, I’m a liar
But I’ll keep on just the same
You couldn’t know what to do with me
If you knew what it was
He makes me the happiest and saddest
I’ve ever been, all at once
He looked down at me with the
Half-lidded eyes
That used to see right through me
But now can’t penetrate my lies
I just want to slice myself open
And let the madness spill forth
But most of all, I’m split
I just don’t know anymore
But then again
I’d rather drown in heaven
Than survive
Among the flames
I know what I want to say
I just can’t put it all in words
And this sadness is familiar
Even though it hurts
He’s telling me the words
That could mind a fragile heart
And I’m biting my tongue
Just to remind myself that I’m still human
Now I see no one can truly have all of me
There are too many pieces missing
But you don’t understand me
And you never say the right things
And I know you try but I
Can’t listen to this bullshit anymore
But then again
I’d rather drown in heaven
Than survive
Among the flames
I know what I want to say
I just can’t put it all in words
And this sadness is familiar
Even though it hurts
Self-loathing
Hot, thick, and nasty
Sends shivers of disgust
Across my skin
How many times
Can I do this
Before I either go insane
Or kill him in my wake
Slick
Through my haze of selfishness
I’m surrounded by
I’m alone
